Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A little bit about me.

1. I've found out that its incredibly easy to make me happy. But its also easy for me to get discouraged and insecure.

2. People always make eye contact me no matter where I'm walking, driving, flying whatever, I always catch people looking at me. I feel like I'm on the Truman Show.

3. I don't think that bumbling blondes make the hottest women in the world. I like classy women.

4. I absolutely hate it when people speed through school zones. It's my ultimate pet-peeve.

5. I'm not an activist for anything. I usually get my ideas across through other people. I like to stay under the radar, but still make my point heard.

6. I am a very persuasive person.

7. I LOVE music. It's a new passion.

8. I will do almost anything and sacrifice almost anything for a girl that I fall for.

9. I can make just about anything happen. It's a hidden talent that I don't show often.

10. My ultimate dream is to open a club out of an old abandoned warehouse.

11. I cry easily.

12. I have a secret love for techno and chick flicks.

13. I have a really bad short term and long term memory. I can usually only remember something if it was emotional and can remember the emotions.

14. I am a thinker, not a talker. I am drawn to people who talk a lot.

15. I am not afraid of death or dying at all. In fact the only reason why I'm still alive is because I'm so afraid of pain and hate to be hurt.

16. I have a self-image complex.

17. I don't like things out of symmetry. I am a perfectionist.

18. I absolutely love dogs. I hate seeing dogs in crates waiting to be adopted. I wish I had the resources to adopt every dog I saw that needed a home and take them to a huge dog ranch.

19. I am extremely charitable, but I won't tell you how.

20. If I could have any special power, I'd want the gift of healing. When I see hurt people, my heart goes out to them. Especially the blind. If I could I would heal them.

So what's up?

Ok, so the crap has hit the fan in my life. A relationship I REALLY wanted to work out has failed. And now I'm stuck in the phase where all I can think about is her and what I can do to win her back. All of my thoughts revolve around planning nice surprises to make her realize what she lost.

I do have to admit the break up was mutual. It was the most civil break up I've ever encountered. Basically when we first started dating, it was amazing. But shortly afterwards I was always under the impression that she'd lost interest in me. I'd ask her about it and ask her friends about it, and they always told me that she still really liked me. So I went about being overly analytical and I think that may have ruined it. I was also a bit overboard with compliments, she'd never know how to respond, and that may have pushed her away. And there was always that constant worry of what we'd do when I go back to BYU-I in Jan. So basically our relationship kinda fizzled out. But I want her back. I was a fool to break up with her.

About BYU-I now. So, I get an apt thinking I'll be up there Jan 3rd or so. I call to make my deposit on the apt. The lady says I need to talk to housing first. So I get transferred over to housing and they say I can't live in approved housing because I'm "no longer a student." So they ask if I want to be transferred to admissions. Admissions says I'm not a student because I didn't attend my semesters last year. They tell me I need to reapply. This could take a while.

BUT basically what happened was last year for Christmas I came home during the break. I was going to live with my Aunt in Colorado from Jan 08 to Apr 08 until my semester started. Well, I got a letter from BYU-I saying that I was on hold from registering because I hadn't payed for my last semester of schooling. Well, I was too poor to pay last semester, so I never paid. I was planning on paying sometime of course, but it was on the back burner. I didn't have any money to pay because I pay for my own schooling all out of my own pocket. I have NO student loans at all. I did apply for student aid, but because I'm not 24, the gov't thinks my parents need to pay for my schooling because they're rich. Whatever. So I never got student aid. So I tell my parents that I can't live in Colorado, and that I need to stay in Texas and work to pay off BYU-I. They say OK. I tell them that I'll be back in Sept. They say OK.

Sept rolls around and I still don't have enough for school. I tell my parents that I need to stay longer and they say OK. I tell them I'll be back in Jan. They say OK, but are getting worried. I've not been to school for an entire year now. I'd be worried too. BUT, I DO have plans on going back in Jan. I have enough money now. I've paid off BYU-I and have enough to pay for next semester.

So that's why I went to get an apt. Because I thought I'd be leaving. So this is where I learn that I'm not a student at BYU-I anymore because I'm poor. Thanks BYU-I.

So here is what I'm looking at now. I would be going to Idaho, with no where to live (it's nearly impossible to find cheap housing that's non-approved), I'd have no job (my old boss says that she's had to let people go due to lack of clients and that she's not hiring right now anyways), and I'd not be a student.

I think right now I'll stay in Texas until I get at least 2 of the 3 problems solved.

When love fails...

So once again relationships have failed me. I seem to have a one month curse. The past several relationships I've had have only lasted almost exactly a month. So I was thinking about things that don't fail me. They are as follows.

1. SPEED. My ultimate love. I love traveling as fast as I can. The only problem is, I hate getting caught with this love. But I press the limits as often as I can.

2. MUSIC. My other ultimate love. Music is the only love I have that will never fail me. There will always be music that makes me feel as good as any girl.

3. MOVIES. I LOVE movies. I can watch them and they make me feel like I have super powers. Like an action movie makes me feel like I'm tougher and more agile than I really am. A sappy movies makes me feel good about life..etc.

4. JESUS. Jesus will NEVER fail me. Sure, He may make me work, struggle and cry; and sometimes I wonder if He's really around, but the blessings He has given me cannot be denied.